A man who has apparently “turned over a new leaf” and “changed his lifestyle” by implementing a new healthy diet has admitted that he is only eating healthy so he can drink more alcohol.
David Gleeson, a thirty-two-year-old electrician, claims to have been prompted into action by the sudden appearance of a beer belly and has vowed to eat healthy until it is gone.
However, the Dublin native is also reported to have told his closest friends that the real reason he has changed his diet is so that he can “party twice as hard” throughout the winter.
“Davey’s (Gleeson) just saying all of that shit about wanting to get healthy and change his life because he’s fishing for a few likes on Facebook,” revealed Carl Doran, Gleeson’s oldest friend. “The chaps a lunatic, if you sat with him in a pub for an hour you’d clearly see that he doesn’t give a fuck about his health. He’s just getting on a bit and he wants to be able to drink as much as he likes without turning into a fat cunt.”
Gleeson, best known for his ability to sniff a half a gram of coke in one line, recently revealed that he will only eat “salads and shit” for the remainder of the year.
“I’m not really used to all of this healthy eating jazz,” Gleeson told Wunderground earlier. “I’m more of a bang it into the deep fat fryer kinda chef so I’ve had to go to Marks & Spencer and buy a load of those pre-made salads. They’re alright but they don’t fill you, you need a few chips with them or something.”
“This healthy lifestyle shit is much harder than you think,” continued Gleeson. “It costs a fuckin’ fortune too, I’m half thinking about just going on the fat burners and eating whatever the fuck I like, I don’t know what to do but I’ll tell you what I’m definitely not doing, cutting back on the drink. No way. Sure it’s practically winter now, if anything I’m going to be drinking more now. What else are you gonna do when the weather’s shite?”
According to reports, the number one motivation for getting yourself in shape is knowing that you will be able to enjoy yourself getting out of shape again afterward.