After being told to “dress up” for a job interview, local raver Patrick Curtain has decided to wear his finest sleeveless tank top with the words “Party With Sluts” printed in bright neon letters.
“Pretty fit, huh? My mum said I needed to dress up for my first job interview, so I figured what could be nicer than this?” Said the twenty-four-year-old who had accessorised the outfit with a gold chain and purple bandana around his neck.
Curtain had reportedly been very discerning when choosing his outfit, which he had finished with a pair of Tomorrowland sunglasses he planned to wear throughout the interview. He had passed on several other tank tops which included phrases such as “Where’s the Molly?” and “Party with Molly you slut!” because they just didn’t look professional enough.
“I was freaking out when I couldn’t find it at first,” Curtain went on to describe the panicked scene that had taken place in his bedroom this morning. The lad had found himself short on time after hitting the snooze button 12 times. “Then, I found it buried under this dumb suit and tie my dad had bought me for Christmas last year, and I was so relieved. If I hadn’t found it, I’d have nothing to wear.”
“I bought it in Ibiza last year and totally pulled this hot chick when I wore it out. That’s why it’s my favorite,” Curtain filled us in on the history of the shirt. Certain that the luck the shirt had imbued upon him that night at the David Guetta concert would carry forward into the interview, he stated, “once they see me in this, they’ll just say ‘this guy knows how to party’ and hand me the job. I probably won’t even need to answer one question.”
Curtain concluded by drinking an entire Four Loko before heading to the interview on his razor scooter, exclaiming “Can you believe this shirt was only $300? Worth every cent”.
As of press time, Wunderground learned that, upon entering the interview sporting the vulgar tank top and smelling of Four Loko’s Black Cherry flavor, Curtain was immediately hired as Diplo’s new production assistant. When asked about the snap decision, the interviewer responded, “Oh, that guy definitely knows how to party. We didn’t even ask him a single question”.