A man who installed a local 5G tower has admitted it was an act of suicide.
Hans Burn, a network logistics operator with the New World Order has admitted to installing a 5G tower on the outskirts of London at the beginning of February 2020, before heading home to write a suicide note and wait for the 5G to wisp him away to a better place.
‘I’ll admit it is taking a bit longer than I had expected’ admits Burn. ‘Although I did have a sniffly nose yesterday morning after my breakfast. I’m not sure if that’s the 5G-induced Coronavirus coming to sweep me off to the dark side for all eternity, or my dairy allergies giving me grief again, but I’m sure it’s working.’
‘One positive takeaway from this whole thing is the unrivalled download speeds, I highly doubt other forms of suicide offer 8 gigabits per second download speeds.”
“To be honest, I’ve been enjoying un-buffered access to my pals around the world through video chats and gaming so much that I don’t really want to die anymore.’
‘But the tower is up now. It’s beaming it’s evil beamy-ness at me. It’s not like I didn’t know this would happen when I installed it.”
“I’ve made my own bed, now I have to lie in it.’