A man who took a “shit load of ket” at the weekend has confirmed that he accidentally watched the Winter Olympics for over six hours on Saturday morning.
Peter Pickle claimed he totally “lost the run of himself” after taking the dissociative drugs in his apartment following a night out with friends.
“We’d all been up the local nightclub at an old school 90s rave on Friday night,” explained Mr Pickle earlier. “I’d just nipped back to my gaff to collect a big bag of wobble I had for the afterparty and, before I knew it, it was almost lunch time on Saturday afternoon.”
“I must have cracked open a bottle of beer and decided to do a little tester, even though I already knew it was ridiculously strong, and put the telly on,” continued Pickle, who claims he regularly lives up to his name by getting himself into pickles. “After that, my memories get a little bit hazy.”
“I kind of remember the ski jumping being on and feeling like I was actually flying through the air myself,” he claimed. “Then I snapped out of it lying face down on my coffee table, with a full bottle of beer and thirty seven missed calls on my phone. I must have actually been watching it for a full six hours. Luckily, my friends were still on it so I just followed them over to the after party.”
According to Dan Gould, a close friend of Mr Pickle, the party was almost ruined after his mate failed to show up until the following afternoon.
“We were all ready to go home when Pickles finally got in touch with us,” revealed Gould. “We’d been pre-gaming in his flat and decided to leave the kezza there, he nipped in to pick it up and we didn’t see him for six hours, he said he was watching the Winter Olympics but I bet the greedy prick was just sniffing himself into a pickle.”
In related news, the Colombian curling team has been disqualified from the games after the entire team tested positive for cocaine, more on this as we get it.