A man who went the entire night without “breaking the seal” has tragically drowned in his own piss.
Reports indicate that Michael Murray, from Glasgow, Scotland, drank six pints of lager and three double vodka and Seven-Ups, without going to the toilet, during a recent trip to the pub.
“I really can’t believe he’s gone,” claimed local barman Ben Douglass. “He was in here for a few beers every single day, the place just won’t be the same without him. He was always trying to see how long he could go without needing to get up for a whizz, he’d often make it up until about nine or ten o’clock, maybe five pints worth of drinking, but last night he managed to go the whole night. He was delighted with himself.”
“A special achievement like that should have made this one of the happiest times in his life,” he said mournfully. “But instead he died, alone, in a puddle of his own putrid piss. The world really is a cruel, cruel place sometimes.”
According to a coroner’s report, Mr Murray’s bladder had stretched to almost nine times its normal size before bursting, causing him to drown from the inside out.
“It really is a unique way to go,” claimed Dr Helen Reid. “The poor man must have been absolutely bursting for a piss, tragically he was found around four foot away from. It looks like he was dashing for the toilet when his bladder gave way, causing his lungs to fill with piss. If only he’d had a quick tinkle before leaving the pub he’d still be alive to drink another day.”
“If it’s any consolation, his stomach was also found to be full of piss and the levels of alcohol is his urine were so high that he was probably getting drunk as he drowned so, essentially, he died doing what he loved, hopefully, his family can take some comfort in that.”
According to reports from Scotland, Mr Murray is set to be cremated and placed in a casket in his local pub’s toilets to act as a constant reminder to locals that pissing while drinking is always a good idea.
