Man Who Bought Expensive Music Festival Ticket To Spend All Weekend In His Tent Doing Ket

A young festival goer spoke today for the first time about how he is beside himself with excitement at forking over 200 plus quid for a festival this summer so that he can spend the entire weekend glued to a camping chair in his tent with a key of ket hanging from his face.

“I absolutely cannot wait,” enthused Adam Purcell, “bands and that don’t really interest me. I prefer drugs and alcohol. It’s not every weekend that you can pay as little as 250 quid to stand in a field and take drugs, near some tents. That’s an absolute bargain and I feel like I’m ripping them off.”

Adam claimed that the campsite is where all the action, or “mad shit” happens and people who “wasted time watching the same bands every fucking year” were missing out and that getting wrecked in the campsite is way more fun. He went on to outline his supply for the weekend, which will include “just your bog standard two crates of cider, a litre of whiskey, 2 bottles of Buckfast for Sunday, 2 grams of ket, 2 grams of coke and 20 pills.”

“Probably a few Valium to help with the fear on Monday too,” he added.

“With a supply like that you don’t want to complicate things by going into the main area to watch bands, that requires moving and any time spent not rolling around your tent off your nut or buzzing off randomers with hilarious nonsense, is time wasted.”

“My girlfriend will be in watching the bands, dancing and posing for photographs showing what a good time she’s having like everyone else, but you probably wouldn’t want to point a camera at me any time after 11am on the Friday, I’ll look far too out of it. So I reckon I’ll just pitch up here with a camping chair, a stupid amount of bumps and hold forth with whichever randomers come along.”

Adam said that at some point in the weekend he’ll probably make every intention to go in and watch “whoever is headlining the dance tent for a bop”, but wasn’t making any promises, indicating that there’ll be a high chance that he’ll just stay where he is with a few other stragglers.

“Sure the craic in the campsite is well better and you don’t have to be paying mad money for drink and food,” he concluded. “You’d want to be some idiot to waste money like that.”