Man Who Went For 1 Drink Found Topless In Rave At 7am

A man who told his wife he was “popping out for one” was found out off his nut with no top on, at a rave, at seven a.m. the following morning.

Steve Coulter, of Liverpool, England, is reported to have told his wife, Kirsty, that he was meeting the boys for a “quick bevvy” down the local football club and that he’d definitely be home in time for X Factor; when in reality he never had any intention of returning home until the early hours of Sunday in an “absolute pickle”.

“You know how these things go,” laughed Steve. “The first pint went down, so well that I had a second, then a third, then a fourth. Before I knew it, I was on the shots and one of the lads, Stevie, had some beak on him so we cracked on with that. That’s when it went down hill. The last thing I remember is checking my phone and seeing seven hundred missed calls from Kirsty, before dropping a Gary at around midnight.”

Wunderground spoke with Stevie to find out if he was happy to take the blame for Steve’s disappearance, “No I fucking ain’t, la,“ he told us. “He came down the clubhouse in his best clobber and had that naughty look in his eye. You know, that little twinkle you recognise when a man wants to get bang on it. It was him who dragged me out, not the other way round. I got a taxi home at four-ish, left him there on his own, like. Make sure you tell Kirsty that too.”

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“At the end of the day, even if I did roll out of that warehouse at seven a.m. without my top, phone, wallet, and four hundred quid down, who cares?” continued Steve. “No man in his right mind wants to be stuck in on a Saturday night with their boring, miserable missus, watching shite TV. As a breed, men need to go out and get wankered. It’s how it’s always been, and will always continue to be. I regret nothing and will do the same next weekend.”