Marshmello Accused Of KKK Membership
A man who suffers from impaired vision in both eyes has accused the popular EDM artist Marshmello of KKK membership.
Patrick Heffernan, a sixty year old anti-racism activist, claims that Marshmello is poisoning the minds of America’s youth and should be dropped by all of the brands he currently works with.
“I can’t believe we’re still seeing people like this guy in positions of power,” ranted Heffernan earlier. “Every time I turn my TV on I see this guy, dancing around like some sort of moron. I’m telling you, if that’s what passes for a KKK member these days that whole organisation must be gone to shit, at least back in my day you knew you’d get a good fight of a Klan member but I reckon I’d slap the shit out of this little pussy with one hand tied behind my back.”
“I haven’t even heard what the piece of shit has to say, every time he comes on I change the channel, but you can tell he’s a bad egg because he’s wearing the uniform,” continued the old man. “All the kids seem to love the asshat too, and not just the white ones either, all the different colours, it just goes to show you how fucked up the world really is right now.”
According to Marshmello’s management, their client will not be drawn into matters of race as he does not identify as a member of any race, nationality or religion.
“This is a totally ludicrous claim,” claimed the star’s manager. “Just because he dresses in white and wears a silly hat doesn’t make him a member of the KKK. Anyway, the non-white audience spends far too much money for us to alienate them. Marshmello may seem stupid, but he’s certainly not dumb.”