Marshmello Actually Chimpanzee With Head Stuck In Bucket


News emerging from America this evening suggests that the popular EDM DJ Marshmello is actually a chimpanzee with his head stuck in a bucket.

According to reports, Kwangoo, a fourteen year old male chimp, was reported missing from an ape sanctuary in May 2015.

However, it now appears that Kwangoo got his head stuck in a bucket and has spent the last 3 years being mistaken for a reputable music artist.

“It gives a whole new meaning to the term performing monkey,” claimed one music journalist earlier today.

“I always thought there was something very primitive about Marshmello’s music but I never thought it was because he’s an actual primate.”

“This really does say a lot about the intelligence of chimpanzees but, unfortunately, not a lot about the intelligence of humans.”

Kwangoo was reunited with his friends and fgamily in the ape sanctuary earlier today.

“We’re delighted to have him back, he’s a really big character around here” claimed keeper Mattie Farris.

“Despite all of his fame and fortune the last three years, he hasn’t let it go to his head at all, he’s still a regular ape who eats his own boogers and throws his shit at people like the rest of them.”

Despite being a chimpanzee, it is believed Kwangoo will continue to tour the Marshmello brand for a number of years, with all proceeds going to animal charities.

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Marshmello Actually Chimpanzee With Head Stuck In Bucket

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