One of the world’s leading confectionery based celebrities, Marshmello, has reportedly converted to Buddhism in hope of being reincarnated as a real DJ in his next life.
Sources close to Marshmello, best known for his love of smores and hot chocolate, have confirmed that the “DJ” has become concerned that he is deceiving people and earning large sums of money without having any discernible talent.
“Marshmello is really worried about his karma,” revealed the DJ’s stylist, who is believed to have the easiest job in dance music. “He thinks that he’s ripping people off because he’s not a real DJ, even though he’s making a shit ton of money, so he’s decided that the best thing to do is convert to Buddhism and start to do some good stuff in the hope of coming back as a real DJ and actually contributing to the scene.”
“We spoke to a Buddhist monk and, at the moment, he’s likely to come back as something in the region of a snail or a slug but with a bit of work and some considerable budget we should be able to get that up to a real DJ within two or three years,” the stylist continued. “He’s already made a couple of sizeable donations to charity and he’s been projecting positive thoughts into the universe nonstop for about two weeks so he’s definitely well on the way.”
According to Arkar Kelly, of the Irish-American Buddhist Center, Marshmello will need to “considerably up his game” if he is planning to make it back as a DJ in his next incarnation.
“Usually, you don’t really have any say in what you actually come back as,” Kelly explained earlier. “You try to be as good as you can on Earth and hope that you’re something good but, for rich people, we actually sell some pretty attractive packages with a fully built custom plan of good deeds to help you come back as whatever you like. We’ve worked Marshmello’s out and he really has his work cut out for him over the next couple of years.”
“I’m not saying it’s impossible but it’s definitely going to be hard work and will probably cost him somewhere in the region of ten million dollars but it’s a small price to pay for a cushty second coming.”
So far, Marshmello has yet to comment on his religious awakening, although he did shrug his shoulders and give a thumbs up, which, we’re told, means he is more than happy with his choice.