The world’s largest fast-food chain, McDonald’s, have revealed plans to introduce a “Happy Ending Meal” in all of their Amsterdam branches.
According to McDonald’s menu development officer, Han Joobs, the Happy Ending Meal will be exclusively for adults and will consist of “any regular meal and patented McDonald’s hand relief”.
“Every so often we come up with a really good idea here at McDonald’s that gets the whole world talking,” explained Joobs earlier. “We did it back in the 80s with green milkshakes, then again in the 90s with Mega-macs but I think our latest wonder, the Happy Ending Meal, will completely revolutionise the fast-food industry.”
“Our kids version, the Happy Meal, has been consistently one of best seller year in year out since it was released,” continued Joobs. “We’ve taken that exact formula, a meal in a box with a treat, and turned it into an adults-only meal. For just €30, you can have a regular meal of your choice, topped off with a lovely handjob on your way out the door.”
“We’ve recruited a whole team of handjob technicians from the red light district who will be on hand, literally, to cater for all of our customers’ tastes or preferences,” he claimed. “We have men, women and everything else that’s legal in between. We’re expecting to sell at least three or four hundred million units in the first couple of weeks.”
In related news, Kentucky Fried Chicken’s Double Down cheeseburger is now outselling cocaine in forty-three of the world’s capital cities.
