A reformed alcoholic has admitted that, despite the obvious improvements to his life, he definitely misses the sleazy him from his previous lifestyle.
Wayne Dolan, who hasn’t inappropriately groped a woman in almost three weeks, claims that sober life “leaves a lot to be desired” when compared to the unadulterated and carefree lifestyles of a high functioning alcoholic.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Wayne explained earlier. “There are definitely a lot of positives when it comes to clean living, the only problem is it sometimes feels like being sober is holding you back from really enjoying yourself.”
“I do regularly find myself longing for simpler times, when memories were hazy and clouded by alcohol,” continued Wayne. “You just don’t get the same opportunities to be sleazy when you’re sober as you do when you’re drunk.”
“I’m really not into taking responsibility for my behaviour,” claimed the former alcoholic. “I used to just be able to write things off to being drink, which was great, but now, when I act like a creep, people are holding me accountable, which is a load of bollox, I’m having to stop myself being sleazy. It’s no way for a man to live.”
“Sure, my physical and mental health, work life and bank balance are in really good shape right now, but, I haven’t been able to stare at a girl’s tits without feeling slightly guilty about it since I gave up the booze.”
“I’m actually thinking about falling off the wagon just so I can have a good old fashioned perv.”.