Most Nightclubs Smelled Better Before Smoking Ban – Report Finds

A report from the clubbing industry has found that most nightclubs smelled better before the smoking ban was enforced earlier this century.

Alan Kinsella, the writer of the report, claims to have been to almost three hundred UK clubs and found that almost 75% of them are now “smellier than ever”.

“It was a much simpler time, back then when you were allowed to smoke in nightclubs,” Kinsella told Wunderground earlier. “Personally, I much prefered clubbing back then, it was great, you went out, had a few drinks, a couple of fags, a bit of a bop and then went home happy, but it’s not like that anymore. Nowadays, when I go to a club, my senses are constantly attacked by all of the different smells in there.”

“I definitely preferred it when the whole place just stank of smoke,” Kinsella continued. “Sure, it might have been a little bit bad for your health but it was definitely better than smelling the horrible toilets, the putrid bar odours or some lad standing beside you’s armpits. Honestly, I never realised just how smelly nightclubs are, until they got rid of smoking.”

Peter Daly, a nightclub manager from Brighton, claims the lack of secondhand cigarette smoke has made the clubbing industry an extremely hazardous workplace.

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“I loved the good old days, it was great, you always knew what to expect when you went to work,” Daly explained. “But now, you never know what you’re going to get. Puke, fart, sweat, piss, shit, we get the smell of all of them in here on a weekly basis, and that’s just from one of our regulars.”

“If you thought the smell of smoke was bad, you should smell an old school, hard house clubnight, it’ll have you praying for someone to light up a couple of smokes,” he revealed. “It takes three weeks to get rid of the pong, we don’t actually have a smoke machine here, we just burn rubbish in the DJ box to mask the smell.”