Staunch feminist and publishing pioneer Rupert Murdoch hit the headlines this week after claiming that he felt the long running Page 3 section of The Sun newspaper was outdated and that readers would prefer to see the models wearing empowering clothes.
Reaching out to the Twitter community Murdoch was seen to ask “aren’t beautiful young women more attractive in at least some fashionable clothes?” while addressing criticism from the feminist movement that Page 3 promoted the view that women were sex objects.
Addressing the long-running debate over Page 3 and whether people actually want to get judged on the train if they’re seen with The Sun newspaper, Murdoch hopes to revolutionise the paper by bringing it well into the millennium.
Declaring topless page 3 models to be “old fashioned” as his office girl finished picking up the pencil he had jammed under his desk, Murdoch lit his cigar and claimed that he was feeling somewhat liberal in recent weeks thanks in part to “those effing sexy feminists”.
One source even reported that he had been “seen drinking green tea and listening intently to the opinion of a female worker” however it has since been confirmed by Murdoch himself that this was pure nonsense: “I’ll have you know that it was hot whiskey, and that green tea, amongst all other types of herbal tea, vegetarian meals, and anything ‘arts fartsy’ is strictly prohibited from the offices of News Corporation”.
In spite of this Mr. Murdoch is reportedly keen to change Page 3 to feature clothed women as he now feels that after 30 years of promoting the feature that it is degrading to women, and that his shift in stance has nothing to do with a loss in revenue or regard for the newspaper.
On the suggestion that “fashionable clothes” should appear on the women in question, Soho designer Ya Dahling commented “gross. just gross. I would rather die with shame than let my ground-breaking regurgitation of the same old fashion appear in The Sun.
News Corporation seems inclined to agree that this would be inappropriate, with the company’s token female executive confirming that the arrangement would be utterly impractical, since “the majority of page 3 women aren’t size zero models who look like their skeletons just rose from the dead on Halloween”.
However at a News Corporation board meeting this week sources report that a solution may have been found that “will revolutionise the way that we look at naked women,” according to Boris Slugthorne, a renowned intellect within the company, who boasts that he had a light bulb idea after reading the children’s novel The Emperor’s New Clothes.
“With the view that topless models are old fashioned coupled with growing pressure from feminists for the empowerment of women or whatever they were nattering on about,” explained Boris, “The Sun is planning to trial a revolutionary collection of invisible clothing on their models later this year, including an eco-friendly 100% air bra, a transparent g-string, and an invisibility cloak.”
“Based on the success of this we’ll try other types of unconventional, empowering clothing on the women like sellotape, whipped cream and semen,” continued Boris. Further to this The Sun will feature biographies of the girls photographed “to prove their not just big-boobed blonde bimbos” and will ask them “hard hitting questions on women’s issues like – can you touch your elbows together and spit or swallow”.
The reaction amongst Page 3 girls has been overwhelming positive so far. Speaking to one of The Sun’s regular stars, Tiffanie, whose “jugs of joy and saucy attitude” has delighted readers in the past, Wunderground hears that ‘I, like, just feel so – like – totally super privileged that I will be, like, one of the first women to wear invisible clothing for the whole world to see.”
Meanwhile Rupert Murdoch certainly seemed smug about his feminist victory when questioned about the news, asking the world “what’s more empowering than a nice pair or tits?”
The Sun is planning its first instalment of fully dressed invisible clothing models next week, with head marketing director Jonathon Dimble expecting “a flood of new feminist readers” to commemorate this historic shift for Page 3.
