A Muslim DJ who was due to travel to America for a series of gigs later this month, but will no longer be allowed to enter the country on account of President Trump being an insufferable moron, has claimed he didn’t want to go there anyway.
Somali deep house spinner Pirate Radio, a.k.a. Aaden Abdullah Mohammed, has been deemed a menace to society as Trump desperately tries to please the trailer park trash that voted him into power.
“To be honest with you, I was never too keen on the idea of going to America, I find the people loud, brash and ignorant, my manager just seemed to think it would be a good payday for me so I agreed to it,” explained Pirate Radio earlier. “So the ban has come as a bit of a blessing in disguise for me, I’m going to Dubai to work on my tan instead.”
“The only bad thing about the whole incident is that some people have bought tickets to see me play and I really hate to have to disappoint them,” continued the DJ. “Although, to be honest, they live in a country that just democratically elected an openly racist, sexist, arrogant scumbag as their President so I would imagine a cancelled gig, with a full ticket refund, is the least of their worries.”
“It’s like having a richer, older, slightly less ugly and way more orange version of Jeremy Clarkson as your president,” scoffed the Somali DJ. “Which would almost be as bad as the current crop of Conservatives running the show in Britain at the moment, which is why I haven’t been playing any gigs there recently. If it wasn’t for the Israelis I’d almost say there was a direct link between pork consumption and bad politics.”
According to word on the street, the American public would much rather see a ban on “shitty EDM DJs from Holland and Sweden” than Muslim DJs.