A disillusioned hippy in Norfolk, England, has claimed that “nature is boring” when you are not on drugs.
Flowerchild Rosepetal, real name Paul Bell, made the claims after going forty eight hours without taking some sort of mind bending hallucinogen for the first time since 1967 and now feels that “it was the drugs talking the whole time”.
“I was going away for a retreat in Cornwall last weekend and I totally forgot to pack my drugs,” revealed Paul earlier today. “Usually I’d be really well prepared and have a lot of mushrooms, acid and weed with me but somehow I managed to leave the whole lot of them at home. I’ve not been to Cornwall in years and everyone I knew moved away a long time ago so I had no one I could call up to score some drugs off while I was down there.”
“I bought myself some special brew cider to try and compensate for the lack of narcs in my system and at first it kind of worked,” continued Paul, who claims to have taken acid with with a host of celebrities including John Lennon and Terry Wogan. “But after a while I had a moment of clarity, I thought to myself ‘what am I doing, I’m a man in my mid 60’s, sitting in a field by myself, looking at a mountain in the dark?’ that’s when it became clear that nature is boring without drugs, I’m surprised it’s taken me so long to figure it out.”
“After realising that I think I’ve had enough of the hippy lifestyle now,” admitted Bell. “I’ll still take drugs only I’ll watch other shit while I’m taking them, like stand up comedy, action movies, football or porn. At least if I ever run out of, or forget, drugs again that stuff is still kind of amusing when you’re sober.”
According to sources close to Mr. Bell, the former hippy has completely reinvented himself, he now reads the Daily Mail regularly, eats every type of meat, including veal, and has joined the Conservative Party.