A new party drug has been sweeping festivals and clubs this summer that induces the feelings of euphoria and satisfaction one associates with a Facebook post getting 100 likes.
One festival goer claimed, “The second it touched my tongue, I was so fulfilled and at peace. I felt like I was on a beautiful beach with waves crashing, and I was just snapping selfies that all my Facebook friends were flipping out for because I looked so damn good.” She summed up the experience saying, “It made me feel so much better than…everyone.”
The drug comes in pills the shape of the Facebook “thumbs up” logo and is often referred to by its street name “Lyke”.
“Although it’s called Lyke, I love it!” laughed every single raver interviewed for this article, thinking both that the joke was hysterical and that they were the only person to think of such a “clever” pun. “Every joke you tell feels like you wrote a witty post that got a hundred of the laughing emojis.” explained one partier who was reportedly “Lyking his face off”. He ended his interview saying, “Why’d the chicken cross the road?” but couldn’t finish the joke since he collapsed in a fit of laughter so intense our reporter had to call the festival’s paramedics over.
“Some people even believe that Lyke may even have therapeutic benefits,” said psychiatrist Steve Atkinson, thirty-one, “young people in their twenties and thirties are in a constant state of depression from spending all day on social media comparing themselves to others. Not everyone can take extravagant vacations or is getting engaged and having children and this leaves them feeling unfulfilled and worthless among their peers. Lyke may be the key to providing relief from this self critical judgement.”
He then went on to describe his first experience taking Lyke, “My sister had a baby last month and posted all these photos online that got hundreds of likes, faves, hearts, you name it. At the time I was envious of all the attention she was getting but taking Lyke gave me the same rush of endorphins she experienced from that outpour of support on social media, and I was able to put that jealousy aside. I could finally understand why the birth of her child made her so happy!” His
Atkinson’s first medical trials will begin next month, where he’ll distribute Lyke to patients who are sceptical of getting married or having children in an attempt to show them “what they’re missing.”
The only downside of this new drug appears to be a harsh comedown, described by many as feeling “terrible, like seeing your ex’s engagement get one hundred likes on Facebook.”