New Miscrosoft Update To Stop The Use Of “Buzzwords And Miley Cyrus”

Twerk, Selfie, Bling, Douche, YOLO. We’ve all heard them. Most decent sensible people deplore them, their use, and of course, those that use them.

We’re surrounded by buzzwords, all the more so since the advent of the internet. A word can go from unknown, to popular, to passé in a matter of days.

In an effort to stem the tide of the degradation of language, or ‘lingo’, as it’s also known, Microsoft are to release software which deletes any words not contained within the Oxford dictionary, which have been used more than one hundred thousand times that day on the internet.

The software will run as part of your anti-virus package, and will be known as “anti-viral” software. Technical consultant on the project, Constance Grit, said that buzzwords had always been an issue for her, ever since the “Side Pony” trend in the 80’s.

“I always preferred a nice, orderly ponytail myself,” she told Wunderground earlier today. “Side-ponies made people look unbalanced.”

Phase two of the anti-viral campaign will see the complete eradication of videos such as the now infamous Joseph Kony debacle, Miley Cyrus’s horrific twerk at the VMA’s, and “Chocolate Rain” which, according to Constance Grit, “Never needs to be heard again. By anyone. Ever.”

We here at Wunderground caught up with Miley Cyrus and interviewed her about the possibility of her video going “un-viral”. She attempted some sort of answer which quickly degraded into a frenzy of tongue wagging and crotch rubbing.

Luckily, her father, the man responsible for pimping Miley to the world at large, Billy Ray Cyrus, was there to clarify what she meant, stating “All Miley wants is to be allowed to act however inappropriately she desires for the enjoyment of her young fans and creepy old dodgers everywhere.”

“She would be devastated if the video was blocked on user’s computers, as she is now suffering from “Twerker’s Pelvis”, a rare and debilitating illness caused by incessant twerks against any available object. Since she can never twerk again, the video is vitally important to her, and to me, as I continue to pimp her to the world.”

Billy Ray Cyrus went on to say that Miley’s current inability to twerk has caused great difficulty in their home as he quite often “attaches a duster to her arse and let’s her twerk up on things”, which he says aids with the household chores. He also said if you put a bit of sandpaper on there, she’s like an automatic sander. He said she could work her way through any surface quicker than any wrecking ball could.

In an effort to stem the tide of sewage that spews from every orifice of the internet, Microsoft have developed a system which tags words as they are used, in much the same way as Google track your internet searches.

This will allow them to quantify how many times these buzzwords are used, and a cap will be placed on them, with the more irritating trends being culled first. When asked which ones would have the lowest cap, the unanimous answer came from the team at Microsoft was “Bling. It’s disgusting, unnecessary and irritating. Even forty year olds are using it now, in an obvious and pathetic effort to seem young, or ‘with it’ as they like to refer to it.”

“First they stole jeans from young people, causing all sorts of skinny/baggy/bootcut alterations to be made just so that the kids could still wear denim, and now they’re taking their language.”

Microsoft have said that the software will be unveiled to coincide with the release of Windows 10, which they say “is an unwieldy behemoth of an operating system, packed with features nobody will use.” They hope this will boost sales of Windows 11, in much the same way as the transition from Vista to Windows 7 did.