Nightclubs Deliberately Booking Shit DJs To Clear Room At Closing Time


Reports from the clubbing industry suggest that a number of popular American nightclubs are now booking “shit DJs” to help clear their rooms at closing time.

An undercover investigation found an increased number of shit DJs being booked in “underground venues” in recent months.

“We knew there was something wrong when we started to see crappy EDM DJs appearing on what we would otherwise consider a credible lineup,” claimed Wunderground’s undercover investigator. “When you see something like Tale of Us, Maceo Plex and Afrojack all on the same bill, you know there’s either something up or it’s a huge mistake.”

“We were seeing this type of thing happen all over America so we knew there was more to it,” claimed the anonymous investigator. “When we looked a bit closer we soon started to realise what was happening. They were advertising the shit DJs as things like ‘closing time sets’ or ‘5-minute guest appearances’, they were clearly just making these bookings to clear the room.”

According to one nightclub worker, the trend of booking shit DJs to clear the room is possibly the greatest thing to ever happen in the clubbing industry.

“People seem to forget that not everyone in a nightclub is there enjoying themselves,” claimed the worker. “Some of us are there doing a job and when people try to hang around after hours, chanting ‘one more tune’ or when the DJ is just too good to stop playing, it adds to our work. I’ve often had to stay on for three or four extra hours just because the vibe is so good.”

“We get paid by the shift so we don’t get any extra money for staying late,” she continued, “so no matter how good a time you may be having, we want to be out of there at the time we’re supposed to be. That’s why booking crappy EDM DJs to play at closing time is such a good idea, nobody wants to stick around to hear that shit.”

“We had San Holo close a night in here a couple of weeks ago,” she told us. “Before he played, we had some really great house residents playing, the atmosphere was great and it really felt like it was going to be one of those nights where it would be tough to clear the room but as soon as the first four bars of future house played, the room emptied and we were all out of here on time. It’s the best thing ever.”

According to a resident shit DJ, he has no problem with being hired to clear the room as he also believes the music he plays is shit but as long as he is being paid for it he doesn’t care.

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Nightclubs Deliberately Booking Shit DJs To Clear Room At Closing Time

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