A pensioner at a local car boot sale in Hull town centre car park is reportedly in talks to buy the popular streaming platform Soundcloud.
Jim Oldbastard, interviewed earlier today by Wunderground while standing at the back of a Ford Sierra, mid-haggle, freezing his dangly shrivelled balls off, stated “I’m not totally sure what it is, it looks kind of outdated anyway… it’s probably worth something to somebody somewhere.”
“I love a car booty I do. You just never know what you’ll find. An old friend of mine, Peter, bought shares in Beatport at a car boot sale close to here years back. They weren’t worth much like, but nice for him to show the grandkids. Long dead now of course. Beatport I mean, not Peter. Peter is in Thailand at the minute teaching young boys, he does it a few times a year. His wife died so he gets very lonely, he had a huge sex drive did Peter, so the teaching takes the edge off or so he says.”
Sheila, the owner of the Ford Sierra, wasn’t much help. “I’ll do it for you for a fiver, but only because I haven’t got a clue what it is. It says ‘streaming platform’ on the box but we uploaded a few mixes to it to test it out and they kept getting removed so I’m assuming it’s broken or not actually a proper streaming platform.”
Talks on the deal are expected to run well into the night.