A recent report from the North American Dentistry Association, or NADA, has revealed that parents in America are now having their children’s wisdom teeth removed with the sole intention of recording a funny video afterwards.
In what is being described as the biggest abuse of trust since Bill Clinton stuck his dick in Monica Lewinsky’s mouth, almost half a million adolescents’ wisdom teeth have been needlessly removed in the last two years.
NADA spokesperson Peter Gum spoke to Wunderground, “In the last two years there has been a steady rise in the number of parents bringing their kids to have their wisdom teeth removed with absolutely no recommendations from their dentist. In that time, we’ve also seen a steady increase in the number of videos showing kids talking nonsense after anaesthesia appearing online. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what’s going on.”
“I don’t get it, the very same parents would probably punish their kids severely if they caught them taking drugs,” claimed Mr Gum. “Yet, they’re willing to have their teeth removed just to get them drugged up and hear them talk a bit of shit for their own amusement. It’s not right, it’s child abuse, and somebody needs to do something about it.”
Michael, not his actual name, a seventeen-year-old boy who was recorded telling his parents he wanted to eat a dick sandwich, spoke to Wunderground, “I can safely say that video ruined my life,” he told us. “When I’m old and decrepit, I’ll look back at my life and see two things; life before the video and life after the video.”
“Before the video, I was a pretty popular kid, I was on the football team and I had lots of girls,” revealed Michael. “Since the video, I’ve been a laughing stock, no one wants me in the football dressing room, girls make jokes about and I’ve got no confidence, even the nerds make fun of me. I’ll never forgive my parents for this. If they wanted to see me goofed up why didn’t they just make me smoke a little crack?”
Authorities are believed to be considering removing all children’s wisdom teeth at birth in an attempt to counteract the recent activities of parents, the teeth would then be crushed and used to flood the Chinese ivory market, also reducing the illegal demand for ivory.