Nobody’s favourite DJ, Paris Hilton, has announced that she is set to open the world’s first nightclub that will cater exclusively for dogs.
Hilton, whose DJ career has been likened to some sort of flesh eating virus, has already identified the “ideal location” for her dog club in Malibu, California.
“If there are two things that are really hot right now, they’re dogs and nightclubs,” Hilton told Wunderground earlier. “So, I’ve decided to take on the responsibility of bringing those two things together to create the hottest product in the world, doggy clubbing.”
“I’ve found the cutest little premises in Malibu and once we get all of the green lights I’ll start to convert it into the the coolest dog nightclub ever,” continued Hilton. “It’s going to be hotter than Tom Hardy’s crotch after a Bikram Yoga session and, much like Tom Hardy’s crotch, I really can’t wait to get my hands all over this place.”
“It feels great to be such a pioneer for the clubbing scene,” claimed the hotel heiress. “I’ve done so much for this industry already and I’m still only at the beginning of my career, this year it’s a nightclub for dogs, who knows what it’ll be next year? Clubland is literally my oyster. It just makes me wonder what all of those lazy ass DJs who have been around for years have been doing, they need to take a couple of leafs out of my book.”
Some of the features Hilton plans to include in the doggy nightclub include; butt sniffing areas, VIP area with complimentary bowls of San Pellegrino water, dancing bitches and an anything goes Berghain style dark room.
According to dog whisperer Cesar Millan, Hilton’s idea is “completely fucking stupid” because “the only dog who likes clubbing is Paris Hilton”.