In a hilarious comedy of errors, renowned woman beater, Chris Brown, accidentally assaulted A MAN while enjoying a night out in Washington DC this past weekend.
According to eye witnesses reports, the Grammy Award winning RNB star, whose greatest hit to date was a devastating left hook to Rihanna’s right eye, was “visibly engorged and chomping at the bit to reaffirm his man hood” in the early hours of Saturday morning, when he happened upon an effeminate male in the car park of the W Hotel on 15th Street.
“The guys hair length and bone structure had a decidedly feminine lean,” an anonymous member of Brown’s security team reveals, “It was so dark that Chris just assumed he was a woman and swooped on him without a second thought. It was classic Chris. Mouth screaming, fists flying, I’d never seen him as happy…. or as aroused.”
As a crowd of well wishers gathered to cheer on the ‘As a Friend’ singer, the stunned victim, who cannot be named for legal reasons, began to cry out for help.
“His voice was so deep it made everyone do a double take,” our source ruefully continues. “It was only then we all noticed his five o clock shadow and Adams apple. Chris couldn’t believe it. The blood drained from his face and he collapsed back onto the pavement, kicking his little legs in a weird kind of tantrum seizure. Everyone was very upset. Chris could not apologize enough.”
Industry insiders say the repercussions from this gaffe could prove devastating for Brown’s career, with “well respected artists” like Afrojack and Will.I.am commenting that they would never have collaborated with the singer had they known he was capable of something as heinous as non female physical assault.
“I would never, ever, knowingly punch another man,” a distraught Brown insisted at an emergency press conference held yesterday. “These fists are reserved for females only, I promise you that. Females only!”
Brown has since elected to enter an unspecified rehab facility, where he will reportedly reconnect with his inner self by pummeling computer generated prostitutes on his XBOX 360 while waiting for things to blow over.
