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Richie Hawtin Snubs Techno To Make Music Using Seashells

Richie Hawtin Snubs Techno To Make Music Using Seashells

Richie Hawtin stunned fans today with the revelation that he is snubbing his techno heritage to pursue a fresh direction, which will see him swap in trademark laptop for seashells.

Speaking backstage at Sonar whilst on a rare toilet break, the Techno titan spoke of how the sea to him had always been synonymous with immense power “like humans the sea is a combination of organic elements intermingled with mechanics, shells hold their deepest secrets,” he whispered before reaching behind his back to wipe his faeces covered anus.

“I want to showcase them in a way that’s never been done before,” he added before flushing and wiping his hands of both the faeces and techno itself.

Dubbing his uncompromising new creation of music “Shellno”, he is convinced fans will be taken to new levels of euphoric fist pumping.

Hawtin has spent the last year meticulously combing the beaches of northern Ibiza for the correct kind of shells curating over a thousand shells of differing sizes and pitch which he intends to use during his live set.

Each shell possesses a unique genetic make-up and differs in size and colour; once linked up to canisters, they will be pumped full of oxygen, emitting a series of haunting cries that Hawtin describes as ranging from anything from “melancholy silence to pounding ecstasy like having sex with yourself and having sex with a person respectively”.

Dismissing speculation that industry debate surrounding the decline of DJ mixing in recent years was the reason behind his change of direction Hawtin said “there’s always been a debate over me using my laptop to express my music, so I’ve decided to show that I can make art with anything. It’s been incredibly therapeutic to work with mother nature herself, who is listed as exec producer of the album.”

Sparking a fresh wave of creativity from the techno prodigy, Hawtin intends to play his set at a series of “tidal” parties at sunrise in the sea off the coast of Ibiza. The tidal parties will see revellers submerged in the water alongside Hawtin who will float amongst the crowd on a specially stage constructed from reclaimed driftwood.

A waterproof subwoofer and speakers will be lowered three miles under the seabed allowing clubbers to feel the bass ripple through the water. Staff will be issuing lifejackets, whistles and customised drink floating devices as a precautionary measure. The set will be streamed live worldwide via Beatport.

Legions of fans have taken to wearing shell necklaces to show their support for Shellno. Excited fan and part-time bee keeper Chris described the new progression into the underwater scene as, “a true stroke of genius, he is combining my two loves techno and shells – this has been a longtime coming. One more shell!”.

Industry leaders have been quick to predict that the underwater scene is going to be huge. Talks are already underway in the M-nus camp for an underwater Shellno festival in 2015.

Former M-nus DJ and Richie’s hair twin Magda claims that this latest bombshell came as no surprise to her as he was always obsessed with listening to the shells in his downtime. “its common knowledge that he’s a big Poseidon fan, so working with shells is the logical next step for him”.

The new album entitled ‘Molluscan – shell no” is released on 18th September by M-nus.

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