St Anthony Dispatched To Afterparty As Bag Of Coke Goes Missing


St Anthony, the patron saint of missing things, has reportedly been invited to a local afterparty after a bag of coke went missing.

House owner Jordan Wilson reported the bag of coke missing through a prayer to St Anthony at approximately 6am.

The Portuguese saint is believed to have arrived at the property within a matter of minutes, where he quickly started a massive search operation.

“At the moment the bag is missing and presumed sniffed,” St Anthony told the media earlier.

“So far, we’ve looked down the side of all the seats and everyone has emptied their pockets and still no sign, it’s not looking good.”

“The only hope now is that someone put it somewhere extra safe and forgot all about, in which case it’ll probably show up in a couple of weeks time.

One party attendee believes the bag is not missing and that Mr Wilson may have snorted the entire thing without realising it.

“Every time I looked at him he was shoveling big bumps of coke up his nose,” he told us. “I honestly think he’s just boshed the lot.”

At the time of going to press, St Anthony is believed to have left the party only to be called back a short while later after the ket arrived and everyone lost their marbles.

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St Anthony Dispatched To Afterparty As Bag Of Coke Goes Missing

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