American cake flinger, and pube beard enthusiast, Steve Aoki has announced that he is to open a DJ school in his hometown, Miami, Florida, early next year.
The performer has also revealed that he will be the first student enrolled in the academy, claiming that “it’s about time [he] learned how to DJ”.
“There are so many DJ school popping up all over the place these days but I think you’ll find that mine will be completely original and a hell of a lot cooler than any of the competition that is currently available,” revealed Aoki during a chat with Wunderground. “Being a DJ is a state of mind and the idea of this school is to trick your mind into thinking you’re a DJ, if you can trick yourself, you can trick anybody.”
“We’ll be teaching all of the usual stuff, like using sync, doing spin backs and learning when it’s appropriate to use flange, as well as more advanced things like learning how to be an asshole to club staff, the best way to dingy on people’s heads and what angle to hold a champagne bottle to get the the longest reach from it’s spray,” continued Aoki. “All of the things that make a modern day DJ stand out from the crowd.”
“And, if you’re lucky enough to enroll in our first semester, you’ll have little old me as a classmate,” he said while jumping up and down on the spot. “I was great fun in school, I got kicked out of class all the time and my teachers said I was a disruptive influence, which basically means I was cool as fuck, imagine the fun we’ll have tormenting the teachers and fucking shit up for the nerds. I’m going to get my friend Dan Bilzerian to bring some guns to show and tell and we can shoot some cakes in the yard. Awesome!”
According to Wunderground sources, at the time of going to press Mr Aoki has received a grand total of zero applications for places in his DJ School.