Susan Boyle Named As Sub Club Resident

Susan Boyle Named as Sub Club Resident

In a surprising turn of events, Susan Boyle has been named as a resident DJ in Glasgow’s most famous nightclub, Sub Club.

According to promoters Harri and Domenic, Boyle is set to be the star of the next chapter of their hugely successful Subculture party.

“We’re dead happy to have Big Sue on board with us for what is promising to be the most exciting period in Subculture’s long history,” explained Harri earlier. “Most people won’t know this but she’s actually an awesome DJ and producer. She’s been ghost producing all of Slam’s stuff for years now.”

“We’ve decided to completely strip Subculture back and build an entire new clubbing experience around Big Sue,” added Domenic. “She’s been working on a new live set where she uses nothing but her voice and a drum machine to create a type of techno that’s nothing like we’ve ever heard before. Parts of it are so intense that if you look at her while she’s playing it you risk turning to stone.”

According to sources close to Boyle, the 2009 Britain’s Got Talent runner-up is extremely excited about her latest project.

“Susan loves to prove people wrong,” claimed our source. “She’s been told ‘she can’t’ her whole life and she’s constantly proved she can. This is the latest example, nobody thinks she can be a successful club DJ but if that little pansy Harris from Dumfries can do it, Susan definitely can.”

Sub Club sources have confirmed that Boyle will be given “complete creative control” of the club night, including deciding what will be served at the bar, which will exclusively be a cocktail made using Irn-Bru, Buckfast and Carlsberg “Spesh”.

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