According to the majority of the British public, talk of the upcoming election is boring but “not quite as boring as tech house”.
Experts are predicting that approximately six out of every ten minutes are set to be filled with “election chatter” between now and the election on 8 June, causing many Brits to prepare for some really boring times.
“I’ll probably just look at things on my phone whenever I hear talk about the election,” claimed twenty-four-year-old Annie from Margate. “Although, that might not work because once you open Facebook there’s nothing but people spouting shite about the Tories or Corbyn or whatever. Plus, everyone keeps going on about May but the election’s on in June, they must be stupid.”
“One thing I won’t be doing to distract myself from the election is listening to tech house,” continued Annie. “What’s that all about? It’s probably the only thing around at the moment that’s actually more boring than this bloody election. I’d happily listen to a replay of a political debate about the privatisation of the NHS than a bland hour of tech house.”
Wunderground sources have confirmed that tech house is now considered so boring that it may be about to replace lullabies as the most effective way of lulling newborn babies to sleep.
“Research shows that tech house is almost twice as effective as lullabies for putting babies and small children to sleep,” explained our source. “It’s so good that Fisher Price are considering adding tech house to all of their baby mobiles. It doesn’t work for adults though, once a person becomes aware that it’s actually supposed to be music it stops working because they’ll actually want to get out of bed to turn it off.”
In related news, Theresa May is set to step up her election campaign in the smoking areas of nightclubs that play tech house as she believes they are the only places in the country where young people will actually listen to the Tories.