Teachers To “Get On It” For Next 8 Weeks As Thousands Of Melter Kids Get Summer Holidays


Primary school teachers all over Ireland are set to “get on it” for the next eight weeks as thousands of melter kids prepare for their summer holidays.

According to Wunderground sources, most teachers are already on “the wind down”, filling the last days of term with meaningless graduation and award ceremonies, end of term parties and sports days.

“To be honest with you, I pretty much checked out about three weeks ago,” claimed one teacher who wished to remain anonymous. “As soon as the secondary school teachers get their holidays, I find it very difficult to teach. In my class, it’s all TV shows and playtime as soon as we hit June.”

“The holidays can’t come quick enough this year,” continued the teacher. “My pupils have been especially cunty, they’re total pussies. I swear, every year these little brats get softer and softer. I mean, I get it you’re six, but whether you’re six or twenty-six a spider isn’t going to kill you, grow up you little twerps.”

“This time of year I always start to think that I hate kids,” claimed the teacher. “I’m convinced that’s why we get such good holidays, I’d probably end up murdering one of the little saps if the school year lasted any longer.”

“I’m flying off to Thailand first thing next Monday,” he added with a smile. “There’s nothing like sipping cocktails, getting mashed off your nut on mushroom milkshakes and banging smoking hot Bangkok ladyboys for six weeks to help you unwind and prepare for another ten months of teaching someone else’s dork children.”

Paul O’Toole, an unemployed twenty-eight-year-old, claims the holidays teachers get are “scandalous” and should be cut back to the bare minimum.

“Jesus, they have it awful fuckling easy,” scoffed O’Toole, who’s never worked a day in his life. “They only work half the day and then they’re off half the year and they get paid a fucking ton of money for it. The government should use that money for other stuff, like legalising cannabis and paying extra child-care for children whose fathers can’t really afford it.”

Wunderground contacted Ireland largest teacher’s union to ask them about the nation’s teachers getting on it for eight weeks. “Let’s go fucking mental!” was their reply.

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Teachers To “Get On It” For Next 8 Weeks As Thousands Of Melter Kids Get Summer Holidays

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