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Tech House DJ Overdoses On Teeth Whitener

Tech House DJ Overdoses On Teeth Whitener

An English tech house DJ has reportedly overdosed on teeth whitener hours before he was due to play the biggest gig of his career.

Brian Lonsdale, a.k.a. DJ Bridale, was rushed to hospital with “an extremely swollen head” after applying “at least fifteen layers” of teeth whitener to his teeth.

Onlookers described the scene as “horrendous”, with some even claiming the DJ’s head “looked like it was about to explode”.

“It was really scary, I’ve never seen anything like that in my life,” explained Marcus Brimage, who was in the club at the time. “His head was the size of a beach ball and his mouth was totally fucked up. He looked like Steven Tyler and Mick Jagger had had a baby, and then that baby had had an allergic reaction to a bee sting on its lips, a bit like James Corden actually.”

“Luckily, the ambulance got here pretty quickly, otherwise the poor twat’s head would have popped like a balloon,” continued Brimage. “They say it was the teeth whitener that done the damage, I reckon it was more to do with him being a stupid prick.”

According to paramedics, Mr Lonsdale was rushed to a hospital where doctors performed “life-saving surgery” on his head.

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“He’s quite a lucky fella,” confirmed hospital janitor Pete McGrath. “We see people ODing on teeth whiteners all the time, usually they’ll lose lips, their lower jaw or even their entire face, someone up there is really looking out for this lad.”

Mr Lonsdale will now have to wear a protective cover on his teeth for the next six months, this will prevent people be blinded while they talk to him as his teeth are now brighter than the sun.

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