An English teenager has decided to take up drug dealing as an excuse to buy a brand new Nokia 3310 when they are re-released later this year.
Nineteen year old Peter Didsbury claims that some of his earliest memories involve playing snake on his older brother’s phone and that he is willing to go to extreme lengths to get his hands on one.
“Obviously you can’t just buy a Nokia 3310,” Didsbury told Wunderground earlier today. “They’re pretty crap, there’s no SnapChat, Insta or Facebook on them so if something happens when you’re out you wouldn’t be able to put it on the internet instantly, you’d actually have to wait until you got home. I suppose owning one would kinda be like traveling back in time to the olden days.”
“Despite their crappiness, they’re still really cool and you could totally get away with having one if it was, like, an extra phone,” continued the teenager. “If I take up drug dealing I can totally have an excuse to buy one. That way, I’ll be able to own it without having to worry about getting bullied for having such a rubbish phone.”
“Now, I just need to find someone who’s willing to give me drugs, get myself enough customers to justify buying a second phone and make enough profit to buy one without having to ask my mum for a loan of forty quid,” claimed Didsbury. “Then, I’ll just sit back, enjoy the prolonged battery life and play Snake to my heart’s content.”
“Although, I will also be a drug dealer and I’m definitely going to be getting high on my own supply,” he revealed. “So, I’ll also need to prepare for some really good highs, massive lows and crippling bouts of anxiety and paranoia, it’ll be totally worth it.”
Experts are predicting that Nokia will have a near monopoly on the “dealer phone” market once the new 3310 is launched, as well as making good inroads into the “festival phone” and “holiday phone” market respectively.
