Tequila has announced that it will be unofficially sponsoring your Instagram story this Saturday night.
The Mexican liquor, which reportedly makes you go a little bit “loopy”, has said it is delighted to be a part of your night out and hopes you will continue to work together in the future.
“Today is a great day for everyone involved,” claimed a Tequila spokesperson. “Bringing together two great things like Tequila and your Instagram story is no mean feat and it’s something that we are extremely excited about. Here’s hoping that this is the start of a beautiful relationship.”
“We’ll probably start off with a couple of videos of you and your friends downing tequila slammers and, after that, who knows where the fuck the night will go,” he continued. “It could literally end up anywhere. We’ve seen similar nights end up in mansions, on boats, even in hospitals or police stations and the one thing they all had in common was they all made for great Instagram stories.”
According to a close friend of yours, who asked to remain anonymous, tequila is wasting their time with you as you’re a bit of “dry shite” when it comes to “getting lit”.
“That’s gonna be a bit of an anti-fucking-climax if you ask me,” your friend explained. “Every week, they have one or two shots of tequila, spend the night in the toilets dry retching and crying, and then spend the next three days looking for attention and claiming they’re never drinking tequila again.”
“That doesn’t sound like a really great Instagram story to me,” continued our unnamed source. “That sounds like exactly the same story most of my friends put up on Instagram every single week. Boring as fuck!”