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Americans Unsure Whether To Inject Tan or Disinfectant First

Americans Unsure Whether To Inject Tan or Disinfectant First

A Trump supporter is this morning at a complete deadlock and can’t decide whether to bang up his morning hit of bleach or if indeed those tanning injections, much loved by his president, are the best way to go.

“If Trump says it, I do it!” sung Edwin James, a 42-year-old knuckle-dragger from Nashville, Tennessee, while speaking to Wunderground this morning. 

“Trump says we should be injecting disinfectant.”

“So if Trump says it, I’m in too. He obviously didn’t get them-there Trump Towers by being one of them-there sheep that doesn’t bang-up disinfectant when the going gets tough.” 

“I don’t have Coronavirus, but I do have my second amendment, which gives the right to bear arms. They’re my arms, and I’ll inject whatever the hell I want in them.”

“I’ll do whatever my president tells me – literally! Unless he’s black or a democrat, obviously. Or a woman. I’m not having that bitch Hillary Clinton or that Carol Baskin telling me what to do.”

“I was watching an old rerun of The Apprentice and Trump pointed down the screen and said ‘You’re Fired!” 

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“I straight-up never went to work again. I took that man at his word. If he tells me I’m fired, then that’s what I’m gonna be.”

“So this morning I’m shooting up toilet bleach, followed by tanning injections I ordered from CCCC-HINAA!”

“Something to wash the Meth down with, I suppose.”

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