In news that comes as absolutely no surprise to anybody within the dance music community, DJ duo Solardo have confirmed they get dressed in the dark.
Appearing recently in a newspaper interview describing the lads as “an orgasm on the ears but a virus on the eyes”, it was suggested they were involved an a “career-long dare sponsored by boohooMAN” to which they laughed off claims of payment in exchange for looking like “proper twats”.
“boohooMAN? Do me a favour. They’re well shit, sizes all over the place. I’m an XL one week and then a small the next” they told The Daily Sound. “I think the girl who lived in our flat before we did was a fashion student and she left a shit load of random material which we just chuck on when we wake up.
Our agreement is to never switch the lights on and to smash every mirror you come across, because beauty shines from within… Plus, if we see what we’ve become, it could end in tears”.
Despite their plea of innocence, The Daily Sound continued to probe the pair, following a leak that one of them opened an account with ASOS. “Look, If you think we intentionally wear this bastard clobber, you are mistaken. These rascal garms appear on us naturally, like an act of God”.
Since this interview it has been revealed the owners of online retailer, Missguided, have made a multi-million pounds offer to Solardo to be the show-boys of new venture, Masterbated, launching in Summer 2020”.
Too old to go to raves, too young to retire from them. Where does that leave me? Writing for Wunderground.