A report by the International Institution of Silly Hats, or the IISH, has revealed that Police in the UK definitely wear the most stupid looking hats at festivals.
In recent years, festivals have become a breeding ground for silly hats and silly hat enthusiasts, although it would appear that their best efforts have been outdone by the uniforms of Her Majesty’s Police.
“Festivals are unofficial fashion shows and summits for silly hats,” claimed silly hat collector Blake Woodburn. “I’ve been going to festivals for about fifteen years now and I don’t even like music, I go exclusively for the hats and I know for a fact that at least half of the other people who go to them are there for the exact same reason.”
“I’m one of the best known silly hat collectors in the world,” he continued. “I’m a pretty big deal in the silly hat scene but nothing I have even comes anywhere near to the silliness of a British Bobby’s hat. They’re pretty much the perfect silly hat.”
“In fact, the only hat that you’ll find sillier are the ones the palace guards at Buckingham Palace wear. You know, the ones that look like Marge Simpson dyed her hair black? Those Brits sure do know how to make a silly hat, the wacky bastards,” he claimed. “I’ve been trying to get my hands on a genuine one for years but apparently it’s a crime to impersonate a police officer.”
Wunderground also spoke to the Constable Ben Bowler of the Metropolitan Police, “Oh yeah these hats are amazing,” he told us. “I’ve had an interest in silly hats for as long as I can remember and I’ve wanted to wear one of these since I was a boy. To be honest with you, I’m fairly indifferent towards crime, I only joined the police force for the hats.”
Reports suggest that Constable Bowler is not the only member of the Metropolitan Police to pursue a career in law enforcement for access to the hats, with an estimated fifty percent of all police believed to have similar motives.