An undercover cop who is scheduled to work at a festival this weekend has decided that a pair of bootcut Wrangler jeans are the key to a successful disguise.
Constable Alan Morrison has been given the plainclothes detail at an unnamed festival due to his youthful style and appearance.
“I think I know a thing or two about how young people look when they’re hanging around in fields,” explained Morrison during a chat with Wunderground earlier today. “I actually grew up on a farm so, up until about five years ago, I was just another kid hanging around in fields myself. Believe me, I’ll fit right in at this festival.”
“I‘m going for a pretty average, common, urban look,” continued the policeman. “I’ll be wearing a baseball cap, a checked shirt, tucked in obviously, a pair of bootcut Wrangler jeans and a brand new pair of Asics running trainers. I’ll look just like every other twenty-something from Land’s End to John O’Groats. I may even get myself a bumbag to really drive home the festival look.”
According to festival drug dealer Pete “Pee Wee” Warren, plainclothes police officers stick out like a sore thumb at music festivals.
“They try so hard to fit in but the truth is they haven’t got a fucking clue,” joked Pee Wee. “Honestly, they think that all young people dress like they did when they were in school but the only people who dressed like them in school are other cunts who turned out to be Old Fuzz, none of them are at festivals, they’re working down the cop shop with the rest of the divs.”
“I can spot a cop at a festival from fifty yards,” claimed the dealer. “Baseball cap, wraparound Oakleys, and a shirt tucked into trousers. They look like a model from a catalog selling clothes to dads fifteen years ago. The fucking plumbs.”