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Woman Who “Can’t Live Without Coffee” Is Just Being A Melt

Woman Who “Can’t Live Without Coffee” Is Just Being A Melt

A woman who has claimed she “can’t live without coffee” has reportedly been exposed as an “insufferable melt” by one of her colleagues.

Jennifer Black, a twenty-six-year-old admin worker from Inverness, Scotland, claims to have a severe coffee dependency, despite only drinking her first ever cup within the last six months.

“I just, like, totally, can’t live without my coffee, do you know what I mean?” she said in an extremely annoying tone earlier.

“Everyday, I’ll have a latte on my way to work, then I’ll have at least one mocha frappuccino before lunch when I’ll go absolutely mad and smash a couple of cappuccinos.”

“I actually think I’m, like, addicted to the stuff, now I know how those smack heads in Glasgow must feel,” she said before breaking into a witch-like cackle.

However, according to Malcolm McLeish, Ms Black’s colleague, the young woman is “more of a melt than an addict”.

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“Sure that shite she’s drinking isn’t even real coffee,” he explained. “It’s like children’s coffee or something, you couldn’t even get addicted to that pish.”

“Every morning I drink two cups, eight spoons of Maxwell House and five sugars in each, now that’s real coffee, she can fuck off with this mocha-latte bollox, the fucking melt.”

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