A four year old hipster is reportedly feeling extra smug after catching chickenpox before any of his friends.
Lance Buchail O’Connor-Downes is reportedly feeling “icky but happy” and can’t wait until he is feeling better so he can remind all of his friends who had the chickenpox first.
“Most of my friends are a little bit dumb and silly,” confirmed the four year old, whose favourite TV show is an obscure and relatively unknown Japanese cartoon about transgender robots. “A lot of them don’t even know what chic-chic-box are, there’s no way any of them would have been cool enough to get them before me.”
“I was at a bike-spoke sandwich shop with my daddy and I think I caught them off the cup from my choco-espresso,” continued the child, who was coming across as a bit of a dick. “None of the boys in playschool even know those types of place exist, neither do their dads, my dad is way cooler than all of their dads put together, he even makes his own beer in the shed and he can do a magic trick where he makes sherbet disappear up his nose.”
“I’m the only real cool kid in my playschool,” claimed the cocky little prick. “Now, I have all of these cool itchy dots all over me too, so when I go to big boy school in a couple of weeks I’ll probably be the coolest kid there too. I can’t wait to get in there and rub my chic-chic-box in all of their faces.”
According to Lance’s parents, he won’t be getting any vaccines when he goes to school because “injections are far too mainstream,” and they plan on keeping him healthy through “mindfulness and kale based smoothies”.