Paris Hilton’s $100k Paycheck Breaks World Record For “Most Cash Received For Doing Absolutely Nothing”

Hotel heiress, Paris Hilton, was celebrating this week after it was reported that her paycheck to “DJ” at Harrah’s Resort and Casino in Atlantic City will be $100,000 per appearance, a fee which veteran dance music commentators are calling “$999,995 too much.”

The extortionate figures involved however are good news for wannabe electro pop strumpet Paris as it not only reinforces her belief that she is a legitimate DJ, but it also breaks the world record for “most money received for doing absolutely nothing,” a record that has been previously held by fellow commercial EDM harbinger of mediocrity, David Guetta, Chelsea footballer Fernando Torres, and every bank executive who has ever lived.

A spokesperson for Harrah’s Resort and Casino in Atlantic City claimed that the booking proved that the enterprise was serious about making money and prostituting the recent EDM explosion. “We’re not aiming for the traditional dance music fans,” claimed the spokesperson. “They’re rather more aware of what constitutes value for money when it comes to clubbing so instead we’ve set our sights on the glossy magazine, celeb-obsessed, idiot demographic. Those people will pay hand over fist for tacky garbage.”

Paris, seen here doing what she believes to be DJing, is said to be delighted that she broke a world record and is set to “earn” $100,000 per “set” at the expensive casino. “I can’t believe it,” she enthused via Twitter. “That’s so hot! I’m looking forward to further bastardising EDM for my own financial gain in 2014, woo!”

Dance music veterans however see the news of Paris’s ridiculous paycheck as indicative of a culture that is beginning to implode. “Hopefully this is the straw that breaks the back of EDM,” claimed one. “It’s reckless spending like this that crippled the world economy so with any luck it’ll do the same to the whole facile culture.”

“How can you pretend to know anything about DJing or dance music culture when you’ve only experienced expensive nightclubs while cloistered away from the action in a VIP area?” he exasperatedly continued. “It’s a travesty that there are hard working DJs out there who won’t earn a fraction of that money throughout their entire careers.”

“The fact that she equates money with talent is no surprise whatsoever,” observed another commentator. “It’s actually remarkable in that it proves several old adages at once, those being that ‘money can’t buy you talent’ and that ‘some people have more money than sense.'”

“It’s just crazy and almost without precedent,” he concluded. “It’s like if you gave middling Irish footballer, Paul McShane, €100,000 a week to play for Real Madrid simply because he blew someone on camera, had a rich Dad and would sell some t-shirts.”