A young music fan has spoken out today about how he feels that since turning 20 he has “grown out” of the commercial EDM scene and “might be a few years too old to be listening to it now that [he’s] not a silly teenager”.
“There’s just something undignified about it,” claimed thinker of thoughts Aiden Crosby. “Kandi necklaces, Molly and glowsticks just don’t do it for me anymore. I used to love dressing up as my favourite Manga character at Tomorrowland or EDC but when I look back on those times now I just feel the twinge of embarrassment.”
“The flashy lights, ‘drops’ and music by numbers melodies were great when I was 15 but now that I’m growing up I need something a bit more fulfilling for my musical diet,” explained Aiden. “It’s like my musical puberty is over and I’m making the transition from constantly playing with toys to constantly playing with myself, which is a lot more fun.”
Aiden claimed he made the realisation that he was “about two years too old for EDM” when he became embarrassed looking through photos of himself at past events such as the one above where Aiden is the Tiga lookalike on the right. “Yeah I was mortified when I was going through photos on Facebook and found that. At the time I didn’t think I looked like a futuristic lesbian but I know now that I did, and that’s not a look I want to continue to be associated with.”
Speaking about Aiden’s newfound maturity his mother, Caroline, has claimed she is delighted of the news that Aiden is to stop listening to EDM. “Well thank fucking Christ for that,” she praised. “If I had to listen to another of David Guetta’s pop friendly interpretations of dance music then I’d have had no choice but to have smothered Aiden with a pillow,” she laughed manically.
“They grow up so fast,” she continued. “I remember only yesterday he was taking his first pill and dancing topless at Calvin Harris. Now look at him, plumbing the depths of darkest techno in Berghain and listening to Aphex Twin’s back catalogue. It’s a bittersweet moment in any parent’s life when you know that your child isn’t a child anymore, and I think Aiden’s realisation that EDM is for tweens and teens is a sign of that maturity.”
