The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to DJs have issued a statement to DJ owners warning them to “properly dispose of any unwanted deep house DJs” after seeing a sharp rise in the number of people neglecting and abandoning DJs of the genre.
The RSPCDJ have said that anyone who no longer has use for their deep house DJ should “remove their batteries, rub on tattoos and in-ear headphones and dispose of him or her properly at their local RSPCDJ pound or local DJ rehab centre” and not “in a field, disused industrial estate or near some train tracks”.
The current crop of deep house DJs, famed for playing a style of dance music that often isn’t deep or house, were bought in record numbers by clubbers and dance music fans in the last two years often as adornments for parties, to produce crossover hits or by people just wanting to have “the current big thing”.
Commentators are suggesting that the record numbers of deep house DJs being “dumped, neglected or left to rust in sheds” is a direct result of former owners becoming bored with the saturated genre.
“The sad truth is that these poor DJs are not even broken, they’re still playing deep house, but the owners seem to have moved on by then and gotten into the next big genre,” claimed activist for Deep House DJ Rights, Callum Drumm. “It’s sad really, but that’s the sort of thing we’re seeing more and more.”
“I blame the internet and its readily accessible pornography,” he continued, “I know for me personally I could spend several days looking at the same porn starlet and I’ll enjoy it for sure, but by day four, day five my penis – raw, my balls – empty and I’ve invariably grown sick of the teen starlet. At that point I’ve literally no choice but to move onto the next disposable piece of entertainment….so I think I can kind of understand the mentality of the people abandoning their DJs.”
“Not many people realise that deep house DJs can be recycled and reprogrammed to play any genre of dance music that a person likes,” he continued, “but unfortunately most of them end up in landfills or in a bag at the bottom of a river, it’s a callous throwaway culture. Fortunately there is some hope for deep house DJs in the shape of our DJ Rehab Centre, which does amazing work taking old unwanted DJs and helping them learn how to play a new genre, often the next big one, so that they can find a home full of owners who’ll love and care for their skills on the decks and not just their adherence to popular trends.”
“Mostly over the last few years we’ve had dubstep DJs who we’ve successfully helped branch into other genres of bass music,” explained Mr. Drumm. “Just this year we had a very famous trance DJ come in and try to start playing deep house, but unfortunately I don’t think it’s going to work out for him.”
“I know its a cliche to say that a deep house DJ is for life and not just for when it’s massively popular and everybody is mistakenly calling everything ‘deep house’, but it’s true,” he concluded. “People have to realise that DJs are people too, they’re not just some toy that you can throw away when you grow sick of them, like an old fridge or unwanted dog.”
