Last night, Mitch Kramer, a fifteen year old high school freshman from Clarksville near Austin, Texas, when asked if he had a “joint”, was told that it would be “a lot cooler” if he did have a joint.
The news was broken to the impressionable teenager by David Wooderson (25), recently voted the coolest guy in Clarksville by the town’s twelve to fifteen year old boys, in an attempt to teach the youngster how to be cool.
Wooderson spoke to Wunderground to explain his actions, “As the coolest guy in Clarkesville I feel a responsibility to pass my coolness onto the next generation. So naturally when I see some dorky looking little dudes like Mitch, acting totally un-radical, I feel obliged to help ’em out.”
“Everyone knows that drugs are cool,” continued Wooderson in a distinctive southern drawl. “The kids of this town need me man, a twenty five year old high school dropout who hangs out with high schoolers, lives with his parents and works a menial nine to five job, to tell them that,” declared Wooderson. “Smoking joints is definitely the coolest way to take drugs so I just told the little geek straight out that he’d be a lot cooler if he had a doobie.”
“It’s not actually that I like douchebags like Mitch, it’s more about most of them having older sisters and lots of pocket money to spend on weed,” claimed Wooderson, pictured above noisily remarking to a seventeen year old red-head about his love for redheads and inviting her to accompany him to a party at the moon tower so long as she “ditches the two geeks she’s with”.
“Although I do see myself as a positive male role model for all the kids in this town, a father figure if you will,” he added.
“Which is kind of ironic really because I actually have a couple of kids who I never see or pay child support to,” he continued. “I guess that’s just part of the price I pay for being so damn cool and livin’ man, L-I-V-I-N,” he abbreviated humorously. “I’ll probably play a more active role in their lives when they’re around thirteen, and they’re old enough to smoke pot and drink. I guess I’ll be the coolest dad in Clarksville then too.”
“Alright, alright, alright,” he added.
Mitch Kramer also commented on Wooderson’s observation. “Woody is so cool, he really looks out for all of us freshman.”
“He told me that if I smoked pot I’d be a lot cooler than I was. He was right too,” claimed Mitch, while pushing his shoulder length hair behind his ear. “All I had to do was buy a twenty dollar bag of weed from him and I was instantly cooler.”
“He also told me that if I managed to convince some of the other freshman to buy weed he’d teach me all about being cool and getting chicks,” continued Mitch while rubbing the tip of his nose. “He’s such a great guy I really hope I grow up to be super cool just like him one day.”
