The International DJ Society today announced the heartening news that vinyl-only DJs like Sven Vath (pictured) have been removed from the endangered species list.
“Well historically all DJs were vinyl-only,” said Chief DJ Conservationist Harry Burns, “but with the invention of the CDJ and then subsequent developments of software based mixing programs the vinyl-only DJ unfortunately began to die out.”
In the last decade, claims Mr. Burns, vinyl-only DJ numbers have dwindled so drastically that they were placed on the endangered species list alongside the African Rhino, Myspace users and female pubic hair.
“The effects of the dying out of vinyl-only DJs was felt most heavily in the dance music community who, as a species, were better able to integrate the new technology of CDJs and laptops,” continued Mr. Burns, “whereas turntablists have maintained strong numbers, thanks in part to conservation efforts which saw us place Q-Bert, Mixmaster Mike and DJ Craze in a DMC sponsored enclosure at Brooklyn Zoo in the hopes that they’d mate.”
Mr. Burns claims that this effort of conservation, which resulted in the successful breeding between Q-Bert & Mixmaster Mike of a baby vinyl-only DJ named Mixmaster Bert, coupled with the recent fetishization of vinyl by music fans across the world means that the vinyl-only DJ may be saved.
“With people increasingly going back to vinyl in a bid to seem fashionable we’ve seen the numbers of vinyl being sold worldwide dramatically increase, which is great news for vinyl-only DJs,” he explained. “We just hope that the upsurge is sustained and isn’t dependent on the fluctuations of the fashion community.”
While vinyl-only DJs are still vastly outnumbered by those using CDJs and laptops the increase is marked says Mr. Burns and has caused in the music community a rediscovered respect for DJs who are committed to vinyl.
“People need to treat these magnificent creatures with the respect and care they need,” concluded Mr. Burns. “They are rare and majestic beasts that, if we are not careful, will one day be lost to humanity forever.”
Meanwhile, a cull of laptop DJs is expected sometime this summer after reports that they have been eating out of people’s rubbish, defecating in their gardens and biting babies, a real danger as laptop DJs are widely known to be carriers of tuberculosis .
