Reports coming from Club Vanguard in Seoul South Korea indicate that the same dickhead who took umbrage to underground legend Nick Warren playing a non-commercial DJ set and had the DJ removed from the decks after only one hour is now set to decide on the new manager of Manchester United.
The unnamed man, who it is widely suspected to be some rich dickhead, is set to follow up his dramatic sacking of Nick Warren from the decks over the weekend override the opinions of everyone else at the world famous club, and the world over, and appoint “some commercial twat with no knowledge of football or music as the club’s manager/resident DJ”.
It is believed that because the dickhead is rich and has booked an expensive table that he is to be afforded the status of a Roman emperor and allowed to do whatever he bloody well likes including having “legitimate DJs removed from stage, pick the manager of successful football clubs or decide whether or not you live or die you fucking plebeian cunt”.
It is understood that the dickhead hopes to play Avicii’s Levels as an unconventional number ten just off Van Persie, turn Carrington Road into the world’s first top class training facility/exclusive superclub and to change the name of the club to Electric Daisy United Football Club.
Names being bandied around for football’s top job include French house maestro Gerard Houiller, former U.S. basketball star Michael Jordan, Rihanna and Calvin Harris, with those at the club favouring the appointment of Harris with him being Scottish and the only one of the name’s who probably knows anything about football.
Fans of the club are understood to be disappointed, but unsurprised that “some rich dickhead with no knowledge of football or dance music is being allowed to pick the new manager” but feel that “even Steve Aoki couldn’t be worse than Moyes” and that “having a rick dickhead run your club seems to have worked okay for Chelsea”.
