After dropping a hugely speculative hint this week that “one of the biggest selling bands in the world” would be headlining the famous Glastonbury Saturday night slot, Michael Eavis has shocked the musical world by announcing the Beatles as the festival’s first ever holographic headliners.
Criticisms have been aimed at the decision to choose holograms over living humans, however Eavis believes that this is simply the direction that all festivals are going in: “We won’t be the last festival to do this, I wouldn’t give it long until we see a purely holographic festival.”
“I was inspired to do it after last year’s festival season” says Eavis. “After seeing how the audience reacted to Tupac’s Coachella appearance followed by the storming set of the Rolling Stones at the pyramid stage, I knew that I had to continue going backwards in order to move the festival forwards.”
Eavis’ daughter Emily has publicly supported her father’s decision, “The hologram will go down great. We can reunite all of the members of the Beatles and see them perform with all the youthful energy that made them the best band in the world before they met their premature demise.”
The news has received mixed reactions across the age demographic of Glastonbury ticket holders. Roland, who has been to every Glastonbury since its inception is delighted to hear Eavis has catered for the old school festival goers. “I was starting to grow tired of these kids standing behind their desks and pushing buttons, making noises that sound like my old SNES. All the time I’m thinking where are their guitars?”
He also predicts that this year could be more era defining than any years previous. “I think this could be the third summer of love. Or is it the fourth? I lose track, anyway there’s nothing like a bit of Beatles to get my wife in the mood, all our kids were conceived at Glastonbury, it’s become a family tradition.”
A young female ticket holder was highly disappointed by the lack of DJs on the line up, “All I can see are these floppy haired guys with guitars taking up the big slots,” says Monica, who will have finished her A levels come June. “I bought my ticket because I heard how cool it is to say you’ve been to Glastonbury but I couldn’t see Will.I.Am or any of my other faves’ on the line up so I might just go to V Fest instead.”
Many younger bands have voiced their frustrations at the announcement. Franz Ferdinand are reportedly “saddened” and “disappointed” that they have missed out on a chance to headline the Pyramid stage in place of “yet another nostalgic act” – despite recent suggestions that they have become a nostalgic act themselves.
Paul McCartney has come out in strong defence of those who oppose The Beatles’ holographic headline slot by saying “I see no problem with us reuniting like this, not only does it mean I can relive my glory years but I can also leave the set early and be in bed before 10pm.”
