A man from Musky Creek, Oregon, has today declared beat-matching to be impossible. Reports indicate that he has been trying for “Over an hour now”, but to no avail.
Initial reports indicate that he received a set of Technics for his birthday sometime last month, but had not had a chance to set them up until this week due to “work being fucking crazy”. We are told he spent most of yesterday setting them up, and at one stage supposedly declared this to be “Impossible” too.
“I found him knee deep in cables and trilingual instructions,” says his wife. “He was getting so angry, I thought he was going to throw them out. Actually, I was hoping he would throw them out. He has an old guitar he bashed away on for a few weeks, then gave up. There’s a video camera he bought after he saw Avatar, and that’s just lying around somewhere upstairs. And don’t get me started on his scale model of Air Force One… He spent weeks with his fingers glued to his face.”
The report indicates the man finally achieved his goal of setting up the equipment, much to the annoyance of his wife, however he was “too fucking lazy” to start practicing that day.
Further to this, a report from an irate neighbour indicates that he began practicing sometime early today. They described the sound coming from his garage as “like two DJs having a punch up.”
“There were just beats flying everywhere. I can’t believe he only has two turntables. It sounded like the strip in Ibiza, just beats contending with other beats. We rang the police at one stage. Not about a noise complaint, we thought he was losing his mind and that what we heard was the soundtrack to this.”
The man has since given up and gone back to watching MTV and DVD’s of The Wire. “It’s just easier”, he said.
Let us all take a moment of silence to contemplate the loss to the culture of EDM.
