Shocking allegations have today emerged which claim that current UK garage revivalists and crossover stars Disclosure are actually failed Irish pop act Jedward in disguise.
The rumours claim that the duo are actually Jedward having undergone a radical makeover which involved them “not brushing their hair up” and being trained to stand in front of some decks.
“People have been saying that Louis Walsh and Simon Cowell couldn’t break Jedward as a pop act so, seeing the popularity of dance music, rebranded the duo, brushed their hair down and gave them completely new identities and training in dance music,” claimed a source close to Disclosure. “I always thought it was nonsense but having joined the guys on tour I’m starting to have my doubts.”
The source claims that he noticed Disclosure behaving strangely in private moments which have led him to believe that they might actually be Jedward.
“I walked in on them one day and Guy was listening to S Club 7, which I thought was strange,” claimed the source who says that Guy immediately switched off the kiddy pop track when he noticed someone in the room and shouted get out “in a slightly lilting Irish accent”.
“They were also trying to always pitch for choreographed dance moves to be worked into the stage show,” continued the source who can’t be named for fear of reprisal by the duo’s lawyers. “They would always say things like ‘c’mon it’s dancing music isn’t it? Why can’t we do a small routine instead of just standing behind the equipment stuff, it’s boring’, which I thought was strange because (a) they’re supposed to be DJs not dancers and (b) it’s dance music, not dancing.”
“Only someone who has undergone dramatic personality altering from a kind of weird androgynous pop drone would make that mistake,” he added.
The source insists that his doubts over the identities of the duo were confirmed when he walked into the dressing room and found the two young men engaging in “weirdly sterile open eyed French kissing”.
“I knew there and then that the rumours were true and that they were Jedward,” he sobbed, “no other brother based duo in the world, except maybe The Jacksons or the Milibands, would be engaged in full on gay incest.”
“Also you’ll notice that no-one has ever seen Disclosure and Jedward in the same place at the same time,” he concluded. “I know they’re from different countries and would have no earthly reason to be in the same place at the same time but still, it’s strange isn’t it? Makes you think.”
So far representatives of neither band have chosen to comment on the rumours which has only served to stoke speculation that the two bands are one and the same owing to the old media adage that there’s “no smoke without fire”.
More on this as it develops…
