Airstrikes last night by the Israeli government have destroyed all copies of the album Scooter: Back in Palestine by hard dance act and novelty people, Scooter.
The airstrikes were commissioned by the Israeli government after conducting scouting missions in some West Bank nightspots by Mossad and Shin Bet who disguised themselves as Scooter fans by dying their hair bleached blonde and driving around on scooters while blaring inane hard dance.
While there has been widespread international condemnation of Scooter’s new single, described in harrowing terms as “a Scooter single”, the airstrikes themselves have also resulted in condemnation with the world at large happy to see the CDs gone, however the viciousness of the attacks have left some dumbfounded.
“Look, I get the anger and disgust at Scooter releasing a new single,” said Yamulka Fretinyahu, spokesperson for the Israeli Defence International Department; Neutralisation Team for Destruction Of International Terrorism (IDIDNTDOIT). “But the airstrikes are just too much.”
“We can all agree that Scooter is a menace to society. We have been lucky enough to be able to track them across the world, by following the subtle clues they leave in their songs,” he continued. “For example, we were able to tell that the group were in the UK at one stage, as we decoded the subtle signs in their Scooter: Back In The UK single. The code took us a while to break, but once we did, we were able to tell that pretty soon after that, they were Back In Ireland, then Back in Deutschland.”
The operation to neutralise the menace that is Scooter has seen a global effort by all UN member states. However, the attacks on their Back In Palestine CD singles were not condoned by the UN themselves. The Israeli army are under orders to destroy anything that is from Palestine, is shaped like Palestine, mentions the word Palestine or even sounds remotely like Palestine.
Under these orders, Philistines, Ballantines, anything alkaline or serpentine and any copies of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein will be destroyed mercilessly, with some extremists even destroying rhyming dictionaries for even suggesting rhymes for Palestine.
