The BBC have announced a new addition to this season’s programming in the form of DJing on Ice, a show which is, surprisingly, exactly what the name implies.
A spokesman for the BBC, Lord Rupert Kingsley Backgammon, made a statement today about the show. “We have, in an attempt to appeal to the young folks, by way of atonement for our trespasses against young folks, commissioned a new show which we believe may surpass even the popularity of Top Gear, our most popular show with car lovers and racists.”
“The show will be called DJing On Ice,” he said. “It will consist of DJs, on ice, who will have to DJ… on ice.”
“It has become clear to all,” he continued, “that DJs actually do quite little whilst on stage. Some throw cake to distract from how little they do. Some make hand gestures or twiddle their knobs to distract from their obvious inactivity. We plan to take full advantage of this inactivity by making the skate while they play…on ice.”
The contestants who have already been confirmed for this season are Dave Clarke, Pete Tong, Paul Oakenfold and Tim Westwood. However, all the other contestants have already complained about the addition of Tim Westwood, as they claim he has been skating on thin ice for years.
“The hardest part will probably be masking my contempt for having to appear on a BBC skating programme to keep my career relevant,” confirmed Mr. Oakenfold. “Skating while maintain a smile is not something I’ve ever done before but thankfully I’ve some experience, having once had to work with Madonna, all the while smiling and avoiding looking at her neck.”
The show will air this weekend, alongside other new additions to the schedule, including: When Hurricanes Go Wrong, Celebrity Death Island, Generic Comedy Panel Show No. 4A, Eastenders VS Mothra and At Home With The Windsors, a scripted reality show about just how normal the royal family really are.
