Dance music DJs are not doing anything interesting so stop gawping at them, the world’s clubbers have been told.
Rather than being a multidextrous DMC world champion turntablists, the vast majority of them are just making slight tweaks or, as is mostly the case, touching random buttons in a bid to seem busy – and are therefore not worth your attention, it was claimed.
“I know it’s quite revolutionary to say it but most DJs aren’t that compelling to look at, sure market forces have deemed that most of them are slightly attractive but even still, gawping mindlessly at them while dancing isn’t really necessary,” claimed the stern voice of common sense.
“At no point in most DJ sets is the DJ going to do some display of visible talent that you’ll want to see with your own eyes, it’s just slightly moving faders, pushing buttons and taking sips of beer, like watching your Dad using a computer.”
“If they were doing guitar solos, playing live instruments or singing then maybe have a look at them,” continued the claim, “but as they’re basically just human jukeboxes playing other people’s music, you’re better off just engaging with people on the dance floor.”
“No amount of lasers, screens and fireworks is going to make a person using equipment interesting, even if they have a mouse on their heads or are throwing cake. Live your life, look at each other.”
Fans of looking at DJs include people impressed by the vaguely famous, sheep and amateur bedroom DJs who are keen to display how focused on improving as DJs they are by watching every move an international guest makes.
“I don’t know where to look now, I’ve always just stared straight at the DJ, I once turned my back on Calvin Harris during a set and he stopped the music and berated me for not giving me his complete and undivided focus,” claimed one concerned DJ spotter. “I don’t know what to do now.”
